If you’ve had the privilege of being asked to be a bridesmaid at your sister’s, cousin’s or friend’s wedding, you likely know  that you will hold a special place on her big day. Being part of the bridal party is an honor, but there are certain expectations that may add a dimension of stress to attending the wedding.  If you’re prepared, though, being a bridesmaid can be fun and enjoyable.

CitySaheli identified a few popular types of brides, as well as important bridal party members, and provided guidelines on how to navigate the waters as a bridesmaid.

Bridezilla

If the bride is a picky eater, a particular dresser, and generally has very specific instructions on how she likes things done or lives her life, you may have a bridezilla on your hands.

Usually, bridezillas have an unending list of tasks for you to complete before and at the wedding.  She likes to be in control and is on top of her wedding game.  Here’s a girl who has been dreaming of this day for so long that anything short of absolute perfection would be catastrophic.

The best way to deal with these types of brides is to allay their fears early and check in often.  Constant communication and frequent meet-ups will keep her at ease and ensure that you are living up to your bridesmaid duties.

Mother of the Bride

In many cases, it is not the bride but her parents who will be paying for the wedding.  In most South Asian families, the mother of the bride didn’t plan her own wedding because weddings are managed differently in the home land.  It’s important to remember that moms tend to have different tastes than their daughters and if the mother of a bride, who is incidentally paying for the celebration, has specific ideas about the ceremony or flowers or wedding finery, it may fall on you as the bridesmaid to help mediate these discussions. 

Depending on the mother-daughter duo, these situations can get pretty heated or you may find yourself sitting in stony silence.  While no one expects you get involved with family matters, depending on how close you are to the bride and/or her mother, you can fulfill an important function of alleviating stress.  Remind both parties that they are on the same side and everyone wants the bride to look and feel her best on her big day.

Mother-in-law of the Bride

Just like the mother of the bride, the mother-in-law of the bride may have specific ideas about her son’s wedding day.  This is particularly true of the mother-in-law who doesn’t have daughters of her own. Typically, the groom’s side doesn’t pay for the wedding so the issue of money isn’t raised; however younger couples may have their parents split the cost of the wedding. It’s important to be aware of the role the mother-in-law plays at the wedding. After all, she also has been a bride herself and can bring valuable input to the process. 

Since weddings are the first big celebration the two families will enjoy together, it is critical that good relationships are established and a precedent of unity and harmony permeate the event.  As a bridesmaid, it behooves you to play an inclusive role in integrating the sister(s) of the groom, his mother, various female cousins, and other family into the pre-ceremony or pre-reception preparations.

Hands-off Bride

Everyone has that girlfriend who is generally laid back and flexible.  Although generally these are terrific qualities, in a bride they can lead to indecision and time crunches. Brides who are unsure of what they want tend to need additional fittings and can often miss the boat on booking popular vendors.  They may have venue changes, menu changes, and various other surprises in the course of wedding planning because they’ve either changed their mind or didn’t make a timely decision.

Some of these ladies will need a lot of hand-holding because they could be overwhelmed; you may not hear from others for weeks at a time and then get a panicked phone call with a list of approaching deadlines.  Either way, it is important as a bridesmaid to remind the bride of important dates as well as serve as her sounding board for ideas and frustrations.   If budget permits, you may want to advise your bride to hire a wedding planner to make sure that her planning runs smoothly.  

No matter what type of bride you are supporting, remember that her wedding is one of the most exciting days of her life.  In addition to her life-long roles of daughter, sister, and friend she will now also be wife, daughter-in-law, and sister-in-law. If she asked you to be her bridesmaid, be honored, as she wants you by her side from the very first day of this new life. 

Regardless of your skill level, it is important to choose the right beat for your dance. Co-founder of Dhoonya Dance, Priya Pandya, provided CitySaheli with some song recommendations that will surely be a smash at your upcoming Sangeet.  She has suggested songs with different styles and ones that can be done solo and by large groups.  Dhoonya Dance was most recently seen on the Oprah show, where the school danced for Aishwarya and Abhishek Bachchan.  Putting together basic moves to Pandya’s suggested jams will surely impress your audience.   

Need to learn some basics?  If you have two left feet and want to pick up some simple moves, Dhoonya Dance recently introduced online Bolly Basics, a subscription based service that allows you to learn hot moves from your very own home! 

Dhoonya Dance Sangeet Suggestions

Hollywood Meet Bollywood

Why: If your bride is a movie buff, throw her a shower that highlights her love for film.  Chances are she loves both Bollywood and Hollywood flicks, so incorporate both into her day.  Friends of the brides could be the Hollywood experts and the aunties could get down and dirty with their Bollywood film history.  

How:

• Invites could look like movie tickets and decorations would include posters (and maybe even life size cut outs) of your bride’s favorites Hollywood and Bollywood stars. 
• Serve the spicy popcorn you find in the east and the buttery kind you find in the west. 
• For the bride’s wishing well, skip the kitchen ware and ask each guest to bring their favorite film to add to the bride’s collection.
• A fun game that matches with the theme can be dressing up as the Bollywood Bride versus Hollywood Bride.  Divide guests into 2 or 4 teams depending on the number of guests.  Assign one group the task of designing a Hollywood bride and the other a Bollywood bride.  One volunteer will be needed to model the apparel designed by the team.  Accessories for the Bollywood bride include the use of long red dupattas, bangles, and jewelry. Use toilet paper, pearl necklaces and other jewelry  for the Hollywood bride to see what creations guests craft up.  Best dressed bride wins!
• Another game idea can be classic movie charades that have to do with the bride and the groom. 
• Prizes for games won could include the brides favorite Hollywood and Bollywood movies as well as movie certificates to local theaters.

Spice Kitchen

Why:  The bride-to-be is a culinary queen and loves great food.  Also, aunties usually get into cooking and become very hands on in this type of shower.  Incorporate her love to cook into her special day with these suggestions. 

How:

• Invites can be ironed on to an apron or a chef’s hat.  The guests can even bring their “invitation aprons”  to wear during the event. 
• Get the iron chef out of all the guests! Split them all up and have a cook-off using the bride’s favorite recipes.  It will be a great ice breaker for the guests and get some competitive camaraderie going.   
• Another fun game involves smelling and guessing different spices.  There are so many to choose from. so it can get quite tricky. 
• Be creative with the favors.  For example, cookbooks for South Asian dishes are great gifts for the guests!
• Ask all the guests to bring their favorite South Asian and non-South Asian recipe.  That way the bride-to-be will be stocked up with  many great cooking ideas.
• A traditional wishing well can work well.  Each person brings their favorite kitchen gadgets.

Tea Party

Why: Everyone loves tea, especially aunties.  It’s classy, traditional and can look out right pretty.  Throwing a tea party will surely please a classic bride-to-be and all the guests. 

How: 

• To give a real tea time feel, choose Victorian or mehndi printed invitations and mix and match china for the days event.  Use the colors of the china as inspiration for the flowers and the rest of the décor.    
• Serve typical tea time treats such as scones and sandwiches. 
• Include chutney and cucumber sandwiches and a variety of teas, including Darjeeling and a spicy chai. 
• If the weather permits, ask the guests to get dressed in tea-time dresses and possibly even hats.
• For the bride’s wishing well, ask guests to bring their favorite teas or tea related utensils for the bride. 
• A great favor is a chai kit which will teach guests how to prepare real spiced chai